The Meaning of Love
by KaiMiiru
Summary: Set after Secret Ending 2, in Saeran's perspective. After Mint Eye is seemingly said and done, can Saeran figure out how to truly settle down with Saeyoung and MC?


Breakfast

Time taken: 4 hours

Editing: none

Rating: T

Warnings: Drug mention, suicide mention

Plot: The meaning of family love.

Spoilery Premise: After MC and 707′s engagement party, Saeran wakes up first.

It was strange, waking up to this silence.

Something I was leaning against moved, and it was much to my embarrassment that I found I had used my sleeping twin leaning against his fiance as a pillow. My flustered-ness faded when I realized everyone else was asleep, in odd positions. Yoosung was asleep upside-down, only held in place because Zen was using his stomach as a pillow, and Jaehee took up an entire couch with a blanket. Jumin was nowhere to be seen, as he had went home early.

It was comfortable, annoyingly so. A part of me cried out when I sat up, missing the body warmth and the display of trust. But no, it wouldn't do to be so vulnerable. I still felt wary of everyone here…

I stood up and went to the bathroom to get rid of groggy too-relaxed feeling. Locking the door, I washed my face and cautiously looked into the mirror. I could not get used to my red hair, but dying it back to white or any other color would mean… going back to the cycle of trying to distance myself from my irritating other half. It simply didn't work. My hair would just turn red again, just like he would bring me back to him, eventually.

"What a pain." I muttered, combing down the red locks with my fingers. The calmness from earlier was gone, and now I only felt irritable. What was planned for today? Everyone would eat, and then eventually go their homes… what would Saeyoung and MC do? Would they leave me alone? The thought both comforted and bored me. There was literally nothing to do- no job, Saeyoung had tons of money, the door would probably be locked, I'd be trapped here, again, staring at the messenger. I could try to break out, but Saeyoung would panic and probably give me yet another lecture once he caught me. Damned twin telepathy. It's not like I have anywhere else to go. Maybe the other RFA member's houses?

I couldn't help but feel a stab of dread at the thought of being too far away from Saeyoung. Would he take MC off and leave me alone here forever? Would he betray me again? It seemed the only logical choice was to stick to his side and watch for any signs of that. But not too close. I sighed and realized I had been so deep in thought I left the water running. I turned it off.

I used the bathroom, taking small notes of how everything was organized. I don't know why I did this. Maybe I just wanted to learn more about the people who lived here. The toothpaste tubes were put in a neat row, but the toothbrushes were scattered everywhere. I recognized my toothbrush, set neatly near the toothpaste so he wouldn't forget where it was. It was untouched, not moved a millimeter. Were they afraid to touch it because they knew it was mine?

I felt an odd urge to clean the entire bathroom. I didn't meditate on it, so I just ignored it and exited.

Jaehee was awake, and Yoosung was just blinking awake. She had the television on, very quietly watching the news. I made my footsteps silent and made my way into the kitchen, which was literally filled with boxes of wine and chips and flowers. I grabbed a bag of chips and looked through the fridge. On the floors of Dr. Pepper cases and some… refrigerated chips? there were some actual leftover chinese food. Chips and chinese food here we g-

"Good morning, Saeran!" MC called, making me jump a bit, "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare-"

"I'm fine." I cut off her apology calmly, and closed the fridge, looking up to see Saeyoung peek in behind her. Those two were attached at the hip. He was, as usual, happy to see me. I really didn't know how to respond to-

"Good morninnn~! Yoosung said he's going to make us all omurice so we can eat together, remember? You don't have to eat leftovers!"

Shit… he found out my plan. I grunted and grudgingly put the Chinese food back under his and MC's blindingly bright smiles, which shone spotlights on my deed like a searchlight-

"Hey, Saeran, pass me the whip cream in there!" MC spoke up, and just like that the couple's atmosphere turned impish. Somewhat intrigued but keeping my face blank, I did as I was told and watched the woman spray the whip cream into her hand, flash a sparkly-eyed Saeyoung a smile, and sneak off into the living room. I followed her after Saeyoung.

Saeyoung crouched at the corner and peeked in, much like I planned to do, and so I leaned over him to watch.

MC was dabbing whip cream into Zen's hand, under a fascinated Yoosung and disapproving Jaehee's watch. She then grabbed a feather and started tickling his nose. Zen proceeded to slap his face with his hands, and SPLAT! got a face full of whip cream.

After a moment's pause, the room erupted into laughter, mostly from Saeyoung, MC, and Yoosung. Zen sat up, making Yoosung slide to the floor and roll with a startled yelp. His confused expression covered in whip cream along with Yoosung's groans of pain even made Jaehee start to chuckle, and just intensified the others. I felt Saeyoung give a glance up to me. Maybe he wanted to know if I was laughing too.

I didn't really find it funny. Interesting, for sure… why did MC do that? Why did they find it humorous? I had to admit, the energy in the air did put a weak smile on my face. I looked down to see Saeyoung look close to tears.

"What, idiot?" I grumbled. He just gave me a huge grin.

"MC, you little-!"

"Ahhhhh! God Saeyoung~, help me~!" MC cried out playfully as Zen stood up and walked briskly towards her. Saeyoung and stood up to run to MC and swing her around while she was trying to get over her hysteric laughter.

"Saeyoung protective spin! Feel the power of our love!" My stupid brother declared, and Zen fell back dramatically with a hand over his chest. I walked out to get a better look at this madness, still sticking to the shadows. Yoosung was on his knees, his eyes sparkling. Jaehee was also watching, shaking her head.

"I have… been defeated." Zen relented sarcastically on the ground. MC and Saeyoung cheered and jumped up and down together. "I'm going to wash this off…" He stood up and walked to the bathroom.

"Not even whip cream can mar his features…" Jaehee muttered to herself.

MC was taking her finger, still covered in whip cream, and drawing whiskers on Saeyoung's face.

"Yoosung, start making breakfast meow~!" Saeyoung said.

"Don't order me around like I'm your maid!" Yoosung protested.

"Everyone's hungry, nyaaah~!" MC meowed, "Please~?"

"Holy buddha chips, that meow was so cute! Do it again, meow!" Saeyoung squealed.

"Nyahhh~~"

Watching them made me feel like I was having a toothache and about to vomit at the same time.

"Don't tease me about single!" Yoosung cried out, but walked straight towards me. He jumped when his eyes met mine, "Whoah sorry, I almost walked into you Saeran!" He did walk past me to the kitchen, though.

I gave a glance to the other four in the living room and then followed Yoosung into the kitchen. I wasn't one for crowds.

"Okay, eggs, now where is the rice…" Yoosung muttered to himself, looking through the cabinets. I grabbed the large bag the rice was held in and put it on the counter, and the squishy-crackly sound caught Yoosung's attention. He looked at me, a few seconds too long. Trying to figure me out.

"I'm bored so I'll help." I explained. Nothing to make a big deal about. Did he think I would poison it? Yoosung put on a nervous smile and started giving out orders, pour this here, measure this there, whisk this here… Throughout my life, my meals have been usually brought to me so seeing all this come together was quite… fascinating. Following directions from Yoosung was easy enough, although I had to sometimes ask for clarification.

Soon the smell of fried rice and eggs wafted through the kitchen. Saeyoung poked his head into the room, whip cream whiskers still on his face. His eyes were super sparkly. I wondered if he was about to cry.

"We're not done yet!" Yoosung made shooing motions with his hand but Saeyoung ignored him, opening his mouth to say something-

I took a washcloth and threw it at him suddenly, and felt immense satisfaction on seeing it hit his face to silence him. "Be patient, idiot!"

Saeyoung slunk out of the room with an irritating giggle, and I went back to mixing more eggs and milk. There wasn't much left to do except make the omelettes and then omurice mounds themselves.

"Has life with Sev-Saeyoung been fun?" Yoosung asked suddenly. Ugh, he got comfortable enough to start a conversation.

"I guess." I muttered. It certainly was… eventful. But… now things were calming down way too fast after I made my promise to Saeyoung.

Yoosung nodded from the corner of my eye and focused on cooking. Soon I had nothing left to do but watch him. Maybe I could do learn how to do this in case for some reason there were only raw ingredients to eat. MC, Saeyoung and I ate take out every single day. Or Saeyoung brought me something.

"You want to pour the ketchup over it?" Yoosung asked, handing me a squeezable ketchup bottle, "I usually just pour it on, but since it's a special day do you want to make designs?"

"…" I took the bottle from him and made some criss-crossed markings on one, then swirly shapes on another. Having grasped the consistency of the ketchup, I started making small circles on another, with frowny faces in them. Another with flowers. I was so focused on the ketchup Yoosung didn't dare say a word, just watching me closely. I looked back at him, and he froze under my studying stare, before I went back and drew on the last one.

"Oh! That omurice looks like me!" Yoosung blurted out, and then covered his mouth. Finished with my work I put the ketchup bottle down and glared directly at Saeyoung's actually tearful gaze peeking in. Oh my god. I wanted to throttle him. It felt like he was mocking me!

"Everyone, it's ready!" Yoosung called out, the suddenly loud voice making me flinch. He didn't seem to notice, but Saeyoung gave me a worried glance. I grabbed an omurice and a fork and ate at the table, deciding to turn my back to him and ignore him and hopefully everyone. Maybe they would eat elsewhe-

Nope, they all crowded around and sat at the table. Saeyoung and MC sat on either side of me, and Jaehee and Yoosung sat on the other. Zen sat the head of the table.

"You're getting so much better at cooking omurice, Yoosung!" Jaehee commented.

"Oh, thank you!" Yoosung said proudly, "Saeran helped too!"

It felt like all eyes shifted towards me for a second. Eating together was so uncomfortable. I poked at my food gently, making marks in the flower patterns.

"Well looks like we can just ask Saeran to cook for us eh, babe?!" MC came to my rescue all of a sudden.

"Yeah, yeah definitely! It'd give you something to do!" Saeyoung teased. I did wonder if I should, since I wasn't sure what else to do during our huge amount of free t- "No way, you're actually considering it?" Saeyoung asked, making me frown. Stupid twin mind reading.

"No." I said stubbornly, making MC and a few others grin for whatever reason. I ignored them and took a bite of the steaming rice and eggs. It was hot, and the peas were overcooked and mushy… but I couldn't help but actually enjoy it, just a little and start shoveling it into my mouth. Some of my work actually paid off, and it was making everyone else happy, despite everything that I've done. I didn't know what to call this feeling, but it hurt even more so as I tried to listen in to this conversation. I swallowed and held back my tears, but my vision kept blurring and wavering. I stood up and walked out of the room. They were all just too much, and I had to get away.

I sat on the couch and curled up, trying to bottle these emotions up. I could feel Saeyoung settle down besides me. I could tell it was him by his quiet breathing and footsteps.

Saeyoung reached out and hugged me, and I couldn't find it in a millimeter in myself to resist. And just like that, I started crying. Why didn't they all just hate me? Why didn't they outcast me? Was it because of 'family'? I didn't like it. It felt like the simple act of eating together was making my heart burst.

"It'll be okay." Saeyoung whispered. I shook my head. It would never be okay. Not for my tainted soul. Waves of misery and that conflicting odd feeling washed over me, stealing my breath.

"Do you want to go to your room?" Saeyoung whispered. I nodded a bit.

"I can… get there myself." I said, as I felt his arm go under my knees. I kicked it away and stood to go to that room blankly. Saeyoung followed me. He always followed me everywhere when I lost my composure, probably because he was the one who usually broke it.

Saeyoung closed to door behind us, and I completely avoided his gaze for a while.

"It's nothing. I just have to calm the fuck down." I said, suddenly craving the drugs that made me cool-headed and collected once again. Saeyoung had that worried, tearful look, the one he got when he was trying to understand my pain.

"It's okay… to be loved." Saeyoung said slowly, picking his words carefully,

"I don't need your relationship advice." I said weakly.

"The RFA has some great people. They'll understand you if you give them a chance."

"…" I sniffed a bit, "Even if Rika and V was in it?" I was going for weak points, I knew, as hurt and anger at the two flickered over Saeyoung's expression, before he quickly composed himself.

"They were misguided. I pray that their soul finds peace."

"Praying doesn't do much." I said, somewhat venomously.

"It's the only way I can forgive them." His voice was quieter. I let a silence pass. Hatred for Rika, for V, was grounding me.

There was a knock on the door, startling both of us.

"Do you want to eat your omurice in there before it gets cold?" MC called.

"… Yeah." I didn't have anything against the food. Not against the RFA members, except maybe confusion. They were just… too much. Maybe I had been alone for so long that something inside me had already broke.

MC walked inside, holding two plates of omurice and putting it on the desk nearby. I waited until she was gone to say something, but her apparent respect for our privacy just making me confused all over again. What did she want in return for that? Did she just followed Saeyoung's orders?

"My chest… started to hurt when we all ate together. I just… couldn't take it." I said, hating how easy these words came out, "Why are they all happy? Because I followed directions?"

"It's because we're a true family, and we're happiest together."

There was that word again. 'Family'. "But… mother…"

"She wasn't family. Only by blood. Family by bond is much stronger."

Hypocrite, I thought, remembering our near-telepathy that continued even when I hated him. But… I had to agree. If this was what a family was like, it didn't seem so bad.

"… It hurts." I muttered, and sat up to grab the omurice. Someone had ketchup-written a heart. Tears fell and messed it up. So… this is what love tasted like. I ate it, and cried. And Saeyoung reached out and patted my head, proudly but with that same look I couldn't understand.

By the time I was finished, everyone else was leaving.

If I didn't feel so miserable, if I wasn't so unstable and broken, and if I trusted myself I would have run out to them and said the heartful goodbye that sang in my soul.

But I'd see them again. I know I would.


End file.
